Don´t Be Afraid to Speak of the loved one who dies.

Use the child's (spouse, loved ones) name when you speak of them. After you lose a baby, or a loved one, it is devastating. What is even more devastating though, is when people act as if things are not different. If you knew the child or loved one, speak of some enduring qualities they had. This helps the family because it shows them loved one wasn't only real to them, but real to others as well. Often, we need to speak of the death, to make the memory live on brighter.

How to start planning for a funeral.

Before you can even begin planning a funeral, you must first know where it will end. If it is to be a cremation, what will be done with the cremains? Will they be buried or retained? If they are to be scattered, you may need to check into local laws governing such things and may need a permit.
If, on the other hand, ground burial or a
mausoleum crypt is to be the final resting place, then that´s where you´ll want to start your research and your planning.

Who makes funeral arrangements?

At the time of need, the arrangements are made by the next of kin, executor or legal representative. It is important that your funeral wishes be shared well ahead of time, with the individual that will be responsible for making your arrangements, so they know what you want.

Be Reassuring

Be reassuring to the parents and or family. Often times, parents / spouse may have guilt over what happened. They feel that it is their fault in some way. A Friend said: "I know I blamed myself for my son's death for a very long time. If only I had been in the back and my mother had been driving. If only we hadn't driven so far." If only...... Reassure the parents or family that what happened is not their fault and that they didn't cause this to happen, should they hint toward these thoughts.

There are NO time limits

Allow yourself the time that you need to grieve the loss of a loved one. The grieving process is different for everyone; it may take you longer or shorter to grieve your loss than it would someone else. Do not rush yourself and do not feel that you should be ´over´ this loss. Sensitive times bring on sensitive feelings.

A Special Web Site

Create a web site in memory of your loved one who has passed. If possible, place a photo of your child, spouse or others. Share your personal story, any poetry you have written, or that touches you. A great place to build a free website is at www.homestead.com, netfirms.com. Or if you wish it to be found at a larger site, you can add it to (for a fee) http://www.memoriespages.com
or other sites.

groups for those that mourn a death

If the death was a spouse, if you are a new widow or widower, the site at http://www.fortnet.org/WidowNet/
offers a lot of information. There are many sites, 1 is - The Compassionate Friends child loss support site and others - do a search on the web and perhaps you can find a support group near you.

What rights are there in the USA for making funeral arrangements?

There is a book, you can find at your local library, that is --copy-- Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love by Lisa Carlson. Upper Access, 1998. 640 pages. A comprehensive tome on funeral law for the consumer, state-by-state — discusses how well, or not, prepaid funeral money is protected, ethical standards, and serves as a manual for families who wish to handle a death without the use of an undertaker. Lists crematories; also medical schools and the requirements for body donation.

Or email me for source of purchase. Paying not the
$29.95 but discounted.

*Ways to Cope

Whether it is the loss of a spouse, child, parent, grandparent, other family or a close friend, a death effects us deeply, and everyone copes in different ways. There are various ways of coping that are listed in subsequent tips. If coping seems impossible, get counseling for yourself.

Support Group

I often hear, "My support group has been wonderful for me." We memorialize our children and spouses, speak of them with special memories, and lean on one another during our hard times. It is especially important for people, because when a loved one dies, it may feel like you are the only person this happened to. Many are able to meet many wonderful people who were experiencing the same type of pain and loss they are/ were.