Answer to this Question
Answer provided 10/3/2004 8:50:41 PM
Q.
I work in a residential home and would like some tips on how to handle one of our residents deaths. When we lose a resident it is my resposibility to notify the familly ( of the lost one), I would like some advice on how to handle this situation because I am not very experienced And find it hard to break such news. Thank you.
A.
Hello,
I can imange it is hard to break such news. I would hope you would be able to call ahead of time so they could come to be with them while they have the last few days, hours.
I think when the family checks a member in, do they have to give you information as to what funeral home they wish to use in the event of a death? I think that would be the time to ask them if they have given this subject much thought, and is that really the one that they want called? Do they want them called first, before the family, or should the family be called in case there are going to be changes in any of those arrangements.
I think if you need to call a family member upon a death, instead of at a prior death event, so they can spend some time with them, it comes more of a shock, and harder. I guess even calling someone in the middle of the night - prior to a death, would be easier.
I can only say, when you have to call to inform of a death, not to rush into that right off. Maybe ask them to come down there, something has happened and you don't want to go over it on the phone? (Unless it is a distance and the person would be required to travel) If someone then guess' it might be less of a shock, (but not sure even here). I have only had to inform strangers of a death once, and I too hated it. But the person had an idea that it was near, so I think then it was easier.
I think telling someone and then having them drive down there, would be a teary eyed trip,,,,, not sure I have given you much info here.. not really a pro at that myself.
How does the doctor get involved? Are they the ones who ever do this?
(if not, I would make sure I gave the family the name of the doctor who signs the death certificate, so they can get ahold of them easily).
Guess the last thing I would question, do they wish to donate any organs, and have the paperwork ready for that as well.
Always the Best, Betty Brown
A Team Masters http://www.burialitems.com
ps. I did find this
http://www.ncptsd.org/facts/disasters/fs_death_notification.html
and believe it is the best I have seen . Thanks for asking, I learn too.
--copy--Casualty and Death Notification
A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet
Following a traumatic event or disaster, it is frequently necessary to notify family members of the casualty or death of a loved one. Mental health personnel may be asked to serve on coroners' or medical examiners' casualty / death notification teams (Sitterle, 1995). What follows is a curriculum on compassionate casualty / death notification for professional counselors and victim advocates (Lord, 1996), developed by Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). It is summarized and printed with the permission of MADD.
Death Notification Procedure
1. The coroner or medical examiner is absolutely responsible for determining the identity of the deceased.
2. Notify in person. Don't call. Do not take any possessions of the victim to the notification. If there is absolutely no alternative to a phone call, arrange for a professional, neighbor, or a friend to be with the next of kin when the call comes.
3. Take someone with you (for example, an official who was at the scene, clergy, and someone who is experienced in dealing with shock and/or trained in CPR/medical emergency). Next of kin have been known to suffer heart attacks when notified. If a large group is to be notified, have a large team of notifiers.
4. Talk about your reactions to the death with your team member(s) before the notification to enable you to better focus on the family when you arrive.
5. Present credentials and ask to come in.
6. Sit down, ask them to sit down, and be sure you have the nearest next of kin (do not notify siblings before notifying parents or spouse). Never notify a child. Never use a child as a translator.
7. Use the victim's name... "Are you the parents of ________?"
8. Inform simply and directly with warmth and compassion.
9. Do not use expressions like "expired," "passed away," or "we've lost __________."
10. Sample script: "I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you." Pause a moment to allow them to "prepare." "Name has been involved in __________ and (s)he has died." Pause again. "I am so sorry." Adding your condolence is very important because it expresses feelings rather than facts, and invites them to express their own.
11. Continue to use the words "dead" or "died" through ongoing conversation. Continue to use the victim's name, not "body" or "the deceased."
12. Do not blame the victim in any way for what happened, even though he/she may have been fully or partially at fault.
13. Do not discount feelings, theirs or yours. Intense reactions are normal. Expect fight, flight, freezing, or other forms of regression. If someone goes into shock have them lie down, elevate their feet, keep them warm, monitor breathing and pulse, and call for medical assistance.
14. Join the survivors in their grief without being overwhelmed by it. Do not use cliches. Helpful remarks are simple, direct, validate, normalize, assure, empower, express concern. Examples: "I am so sorry." "It's harder than people think." "Most people who have gone through this react similarly to what you are experiencing." "If I were in your situation, I'd feel very ___________ too."
15. Answer all questions honestly (requires knowing the facts before you go). Do not give more detail than is asked for, but be honest in your answers.
16. Offer to make calls, arrange for child care, call clergy, relatives, employer. Provide them with a list of the calls you make as they will have difficulty remembering what you have told them.
17. When a child is killed and one parent is at home, notify that parent, then offer to take them to notify the other parent.
18. Do not speak to the media without the family's permission.
19. If identification of the body is necessary, transport next of kin to and from morgue and help prepare them by giving a physical description of the morgue, and telling them that "Name" will look pale because blood settles to point of lowest gravity.
20. Do not leave survivors alone. Arrange for someone to come and wait until they arrive before leaving.
21. When leaving let him/her or them know you will check back the next day to see how they are doing and if there is anything else you can do for them.
22. Call and visit again the next day. If the family does not want you to come, spend sometime on the phone and re-express willingness to answer all questions. They will probably have more questions than when they were first notified.
23. Ask the family if they are ready to receive "Name's" clothing, jewelry, etc. Honor their wishes. Possessions should be presented neatly in a box and not in a trash bag. Clothing should be dried thoroughly to eliminate bad odor. When the family receives the items, explain what the box contains and the condition of the items so they will know what to expect when they decide to open it.
24. If there is anything positive to say about the last moments, share them now. Give assurances such as "most people who are severely injured do not remember the direct assault and do not feel pain for some time." Do not say, "s(he) did not know what hit them" unless you are absolutely sure.
25. Let the survivor(s) know you care. The most beloved professionals and other first responders are those who are willing to share the pain of the loss. Attend the funeral if possible. This will mean a great deal to the family and reinforces a positive image of your profession.
26. Know exactly how to access immediate medical or mental health care should family members experience a crisis reaction that is beyond your response capability.
27. Debrief your own personal reactions with caring and qualified disaster mental health personnel on a frequent and regular basis - don't try to carry the emotional pain all by yourself, and don't let your emotions and the stress you naturally experience in empathizing with the bereaved build into a problem
for you.
Funeral Frequently Asked Questions
How can I remember my child at Christmas?
How can I memorialize my Child?
How can I remember my lost loved one at Christmas?
How can I remember my child on his/her birthday?
What are some ideas for a journal about my īlostī loved one?
How can I begin a journal for my loss?
What are the steps of grieving?
How can I help my friends that lost a baby?
Can I have a memorial for our baby that was a miscarriage?
What type of memorial services are there?
Why should I journal on the loss of a loved one?
What are the steps of grieving?
How long should I be grieving for?
How can I help my child cope with the death of his/her sibling?
How can I cope with the anniversary of my childīs death?
How can I cope with the anniversary of my loved-oneīs death?
How can I help my friends that lost a loved one?
How does child loss affect men?
How does the loss of a loved one effect men?
How do I maintain my relationship?
What will I experience throughout grieving?
What are the steps of grieving?
How does the loss affect the grandparents?
How can I help my friends that lost a baby?
How can I help my child remember his/her sibling?
How can I help my friends that lost a baby?
How can I help my friends that lost a baby?
How can I help my child remember his/her sibling?
How can I cope at Christmas time?
How can this affect my relationship?
What are the steps of grieving?
What questions can I use for journaling prompts?
How can I help my child remember his/her sibling?
How can I help my child cope with the death of his/her sibling?
How do I maintain my relationship?
What should I know about Memorial services?
How can I memorialize my Child?
How can I memorialize my Child?
Is it appropriate to wear a piece of jewelry to remember a loved one?
How will this affect my marriage?
How can I memorialize my Child?
How do I maintain my relationship?
What is another way to remember my lost loved one?
How does child loss affect men?
How can I help my friends that lost a baby?
How can I help my child cope with the death of my grandchild?
How can I notify acquaintances of my loss?
How can I help my child cope with the death of my grandchild?
How can I help my child cope with the death of my grandchild?
How does the loss affect the grandparents?
What are that statistics for SIDS?
What is Sudden Infant Death Sydnrome?
Who makes the funeral arrangements?
Are there places of support for those who mourn?
How do you start planning for a funeral?
What rights does the Family have in making arrangements?
How can I personalize a funeral or viewing?
Recent Funeral Questions
Q.
I work in a residential home and would like some tips on how to handle one of our residents deaths. When we lose a resident it is my resposibility to notify the familly ( of the lost one), I would like some advice on how to handle this situation because I am not very experienced And find it hard to break such news. Thank you.
A.
Click for the Answer
| Guru Spotlight |
| Jerry Mayo |
